Sunday, April 29, 2012

Alternate Sewing Summit Gurus

Sewing Summit is coming fast around the corner and we want you all to be prepared. So, starting today, Katy, Laura and I will be hosting Sewing Summit Sundays with the ASS Gurus (that's Alternate Sewing Summit, people! Not a comment on our rear ends!) Questions should be ridiculous, and if they aren't, please note that the answers will be. If you don't know us, we are sarcastic and witty so expect our guru answers to reflect that! If you have a question you would like the ASS Gurus to answer, leave it in the comment section of any of our three blogs on Sewing Summit Sundays.

Here is the official unofficial Sewing Summit Advice Panel.

The first letter comes from Food Worried. 

Dear Alternate SS Guru,
I am coming to Sewing Summit from overseas, but I am a bit worried about being understood in American restaurants as I don't speak American. What the heck does "over easy" mean, why is "creamer" called creamer when it bears no relation to cream, and how do I order a white coffee in American?
Food worried

Being the only local, I took this one.

Dear Food Worried,

Over easy is a term lazy cooks use to trick customers into thinking they've cooked their egg in a fancy way, meant only for the most sophisticated of diners, when in reality, they've only moderately cooked the bottom of the egg while the top is still oozing of chicken placenta. And creamer, well that's thicker, sugary milk usually artificially flavored to imitate a cinnamon roll or other pastry. They come in jugs marked "Fat Free" and "Now with 1/3 less sugar" to lure their potential customers, usually dieting Americans, into thinking they can have the great taste of cinnamon roll with no caloric intake. My recommendation: If you don't like our creamer or warped psychology, grow up and drink your coffee black.

Lucky for you non-Americans, we like to accommodate those who don't speak "American" and have placed photos of our restaurant items throughout the menu for your consideration. Point and say "that one". This is how well seasoned Americans order food. And while your food will not come out looking like the menu item, you may end up with a plate with MOST of the pictured ingredients, which is kind of the same, don't you think?

Good luck in America,
Alternate SS Advice Guru



  1. This is going to be the best series! You are all mad - in a good way. ;-)

  2. PS - lemonade = lemon squash. If you want Sprite, ask for Sprite! And sweetened iced coffee usually means by high fructose corn syrup *shudder* I grew up and learnt to drink it straight!
    But I loved trying so many different foods and lollies and all that!!

  3. Oh I'm going to enjoy these posts! Whilst dying of jealously just a little bit :-p

  4. oh. my. god - nice answer danny haha can't wait to see how the rest of this plays out!

  5. Perfect answer and one reason I never eat a sunny side up egg.

  6. This is going to be very funny!!

  7. What an answer! I'm going to enjoy reading those crazy posts =D


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